Gruffed Up! Sample

Part of SCENE 1…

BILLY GOAT ONE appears. TREVOR sits up and sees the goat. GOAT ONE falls to his knees and starts to beg.)

GOAT ONE

Oh no Mr Troll! Please don’t eat me!

TREVOR

Eat you?

GOAT ONE

Yes, you know…I come trip trapping up…

TREVOR

Trip trapping?

GOAT ONE

Yes…and you say…“I’m going to eat you….”

TREVOR

I do?

GOAT ONE

Yes and I say “Oh no…please don’t eat me…my brother’s much bigger…” And you say…

TREVOR

Why?

GOAT ONE

No…not “Why?”…you say “OK. Then…I’ll wait for him” and I go, you know, trip trapping off.

TREVOR

Trip trapping off? What does that even mean?

Part of SCENE 2

GOAT ONE

Miss! Miss! Help us…please!

(GOLDILOCKS turns, sees the goats and becomes alarmed. She falls to her knees, hands clasped in prayer.)

GOLDILOCKS

Please, please, don’t eat me! I’m sorry! I didn’t know what I was doing! I’ll pay for the chair…or my dad will anyway…

GOAT ONE

What? What are you on about?

GOLDILOCKS

I’m so sorry! I’ll make some more porridge…and wash the sheets…and…

GOAT TWO

Eh?

GOLDILOCKS

(She drops her hands.) I can see you’re kind bears really…Yes. You’ve got kind faces and nice eyes.

GOAT ONE

Bears? Really?

GOLDILOCKS

Aren’t you?

GOAT TWO

No!

GOLDILOCKS

And you’re not…like…going to eat me up?

GOAT ONE

Of course not.

GOAT ONE

Honestly! Do we look like bears?

GOLDILOCKS

No…I can see that now. (pause) You’re just sheep.

GOAT TWO

What? Again with the sheep!

GOAT TWO

Surely you can see that we’re goats?

GOLDILOCKS

Yeah – goats. I can see that now with the horns and beards and that. Silly me.

Part of SCENE 4.

(TREVOR is sleeping under the bridge, snoring very loudly. He occasionally turns and mutters inaudibly to himself. CINDERELLA enters in her “domestic” clothes. She is carrying one glass slipper. She approaches the bridge.)

CINDERELLA (coughs)

Ahem…Ahem…excuse me!

TREVOR (sitting up suddenly)

What? Who? Eh? Where am I?

CINDERELLA

Hi…Hello…sorry to disturb you and that…

TREVOR

I was sleeping. Who are you anyway?

CINDERELLA

Oh…yes…sorry…right…I’m Cinderella. But you can call me Cinders.

TREVOR

Cinders? Anyway, Cinderella (pause) who are you?

CINDERELLA

But…but…Don’t you know me? I’m the famous Cinderella! You know…“You shall go to the Ball”…and all that.

TREVOR

This isn’t going to be about football is it?

CINDERELLA

No…no…I mean The Ball…you know…the dance? Fairy Godmother…handsome Prince…yes?

TREVOR

I think I’m still dreaming…goodnight. (He lies back down.)

CINDERELLA

But please…I’m sorry…It’s only a little thing…

TREVOR

(sitting up) What’s little?

CINDERELLA

My slipper – my glass slipper. I’ve lost it you see.

TREVOR

Careless. Does this look like a lost property office to you?

CINDERELLA

No…no…I didn’t mean that. It’s just that I lost it, I think, over there. (She points to the other side of the bridge.) I think it fell off when I was running away from the Ball.

TREVOR

No wonder your team lost…playing in glass slippers… running away from the ball.