Running time approx. 35mins.
The Princess is so miserable, her father offers her hand in marriage to any man who can make her laugh. So a clutch of gormless nobleman line up to tell awful jokes but her lips do not so much as quiver. However, there is a young and handsome woodcutter (isn’t there always?) who was given a singing and dancing Golden Goose by a Tree Sprite, as a reward for not cutting down the Sprite’s home. The Woodcutter decides to take the Golden Goose to perform in front of the Princess. However, only the Woodcutter can touch the Goose. If anyone else attempts it, they get stuck. Cue a farcical journey to the Palace where every busybody in the world gets stuck in a long chain to the Goose. The sight of this silly ‘people-chain’ makes the Princess eventually laugh. The King is not happy that he has to hand his daughter over to a Woodcutter, so he sets some fiendish tasks to try and put the would-be bridegroom off. One of the tasks is to eat all the food in the kingdom! Luckily, the Tree Sprite is able to produce one very, very hungry Troll to help the Woodcutter out. This is a charming and funny play, with a touch of chaos thrown in!
PLEASE NOTE THAT NO SONGS ARE SUGGESTED FOR THIS PLAY but feel free to add your own, if you wish!
18 SPEAKING PARTS. UNLIMITED CHORUS PARTS AS COURTIERS/TOWNSPEOPLE ETC.
Full production notes are included with the play, regarding scenery, costumes and props.
NO ROYALTIES, PHOTOCOPYING LICENCE INCLUDED.
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Part of SCENE 1…
The Palace throne room. The king and the Princess are sitting on “thrones”. Courtiers are standing about and there is a little group of three princes who have come to try and make the Princess laugh.
Your Majesty, the young princes from all over the land are assembled and ready to try and make Princess Petunia laugh.
Well, I hope they are more successful than the last lot. I don’t think I can stand it for much longer. My daughter has not laughed since she was five years old. It’s such a worry – such a worry. She hasn’t even smiled in all that time. Or sniggered, or tittered, or giggled. (turning to the Princess) Now, my dear. Here are some nice young men who are going to try and amuse you. Just relax. I’m sure that we will solve your problem today.
Oh, I don’t know why you bother, father. It won’t work. Nothing works. I just don’t seem to be able to feel happiness.
There, there. Let’s not give up, shall we?
Right! Bring on the first prince.
Prince Edward from Eggletania. Please step forward!
(Prince Edward steps forward)
Prince Edward, you have three minutes to make the Princess laugh.
(Throughout his presentation, everyone else laughs at his jokes, but not the Princess)
Righto. Princess – why do elephants wear glasses?
I don’t know, why do elephants wear glasses?
So no-one will recognise them! (The Princess does not smile)
OK. Let’s try another one. What do monsters read in the newspaper every morning?
(wearily) I don’t know.
The horror – scope! (No smile from the Princess)
Right. Let’s try another. Knock, knock.
Isabel necessary on a bike? (No reaction from the Princess)
No? Try this one. What do you call a man lying under a pair of leaves?
(The Princess doesn’t respond)
Russell! Get it? Russell – of leaves?
(Prince Edward steps back, looking depressed)
Prince Michael of Mostavia. Please step forward.
(Prince Michael steps forward)
A patient goes to the doctor and says “Doctor, I don’t feel very well. I keep thinking I’m a pair of curtains.” And the doctor says “Pull yourself together!”
(No response from the Princess)
Another patient goes to the doctors and says “Doctor, I think I’m the Abominable Snowman” and the doctor says “Cool it, will you.”
(This time none of the courtiers laugh)
A man goes into a shop and says “Can I have a packet of helicopter flavoured crisps?” and the assistant says “I’m sorry, we’ve only got plane!” Get it? Plane? Aeroplane?
(He falls about laughing – no-one else does)
Part of SCENE 4…
Back in the forest clearing. SIMON and the GOOSE enter.
O Tree Sprite! Tree Sprite, where are you?
(The TREE SPRITE appears)
Here I am Simon. What is the problem?
Oh tree sprite. Thank goodness you’re here! The King wants me to find someone who can eat all the bread and drink all the wine in the kingdom. Otherwise he won’t let me marry his daughter.
Ah, yes, that is a problem. But don’t worry. I know just the creature.
Yes. The King didn’t say that it had to be a man, did he?
No he didn’t. He said “someone.”
Good. Watch this.
(He speaks very loudly)
My, my, look at that lovely big cake! Look at all those lovely cherries on the top! Yum! Yum!
Where’s cake? Me want cake!
(A TROLL lumbers onstage)
Where is cake? Me hungry!
(Flapping about in panic) Aagh! A troll! A troll! Quick, run!
Don’t worry, goose. The troll is very friendly.
Yes. Me friendly troll. But very hungry. Where is cake?
I’m sorry Troll but the cake is all gone.
All gone? (He starts bawling loudly) Me want cake! Me very hungry!
There, there. Don’t cry. This nice man is going to take you to the palace where you can have lots and lots to eat and drink.
(Stops crying and smiles) Lots to eat?
But hungry now. Can me eat goose?
Aagh! Get away! Get away!
No, Troll, you can’t eat the goose. The goose is my pet. Just be patient. Soon you will have lots and lots to eat.
But me hungry now!
It’s no good, you’ll never get him to the palace without a snack to keep him going.
(making a spell)
Higgledy piggledy, bat and snake – magic spell to make a cake.
It should be behind that tree there.
(Simon goes behind the tree and fetches out an enormous cake of several layers, with cherries on the top.)
Cake! Lovely cake!
Here you are Troll. Now let’s get going.