Schlepping Beauty by Paul Cockcroft

Approximate running time of 70 minutes.

6 songs suggested. A conman, evicted by the King, gives the King’s daughter, out of revenge, a potion that turns her into a schlepper (a loser). Mm, nice…

Well, the traditional story of Sleeping Beauty, is about a Princess who gets put to sleep by a wicked fairy who gets insulted by the King. This feminist version (trust us – it’s all about female empowerment – eventually), has medicinal quack, Dr Y, after being chased out of the kingdom by the King, giving the Princess a potion that makes her into a complete… couldn’t care less…whatever… loser. There is a handsome Prince who saves her, but it doesn’t end in the conventional fairy-tale manner – much to the annoyance of the Queen, who really, really wants a wedding in the family.

12 speaking parts. Unlimited number of courtiers/singers/dancers, if required.

6 songs are suggested within the script but you may choose to dispense with them altogether or choose your own.

As with all our plays, there are full production notes that give advice on scenery, costumes and props.


Here’s a sample


(PRINCE enters in front of the curtain.)

PRINCE (to the audience)
Hm…what are they like eh? Celebrities…I ask you…Ha! Make way for someone with real fame…now then, (shouts) My show! Let me introduce myself. I am Prince Peely-Wally.

(pauses, composes himself and puts on a winning smile)

Do you love a story,
Of romance and love?
Of Prince and Princesses,
And joy up above?

D’you tingle with pleasure,
To open the gate,
To innocence, goodness,
And never too late?

Do you love a story,
That ends very well,
A real happy ending,
With everything swell?

With heroes and villains,
And dark deeds and light,
With all kinds of trouble,
But turns out alright?

Do you love a story,
Exciting and true,
We’re in this together,
It’s all up to you?

D’you wonder if virtue,
Will win out with grace?
Like good looks and beauty?

(pause, then says loudly and drops the smile)

Well, you’re in the wrong place!


You’ll get none of that here. Sorry. (pause) It’s not too late to get your money back. We don’t lock the doors ‘til ten minutes in. (looks at watch) Oh…sorry…that was five minutes ago! Perhaps, I should introduce myself. I’m the Prince. Prince Peely-Wally…and this is my show…
QUEEN (interrupting loudly off stage)
Get off!
(peers offstage) Eh? (pause) This is my show…I’m…what do you call it…the hero…yes…the handsome Prince…who rescues the beautiful Princess…and saves her from…I don’t know…whatever…
QUEEN (shouting louder offstage)
Get off, you blithering idiot!

Off? But I mean…What? Why?
QUEEN (shouting)
We must get on with the show!

PRINCE (confused)
My show?
QUEEN (shouting offstage)
It’s not your show!
But I’m the hero…
QUEEN (shouting offstage)
Ha! The show is about my daughter…Princess T…and it’s time to introduce her.
PRINCE (aside)
T? What sort of name is that?
What sort of name is Peely Wally?
Oh I…

(QUEEN Quick Temper sweeps on. She rapidly approaches the PRINCE and gives him a push.)

Right, that’s it! Your time’s up. Your number’s been called – the bell’s rung -your mammy wants you home for your tea. Scram – vamoose – on your bike.