Running time approx. 50mins.
The ultimate unreality show! Characters from the world of Fairy Tales – put into teams known as The Wannabees and The Has-Beens – battle it out in an undisclosed location for a chance to revive their flagging careers. It’s a princess-eat-princess world in which various self-obsessed characters lie, cheat and schmooze their way into the final. The challenges are brutal (Red Riding Hood has a complete meltdown over one of them!). The audience will love it and they will be cheering for more!
25 SPEAKING PARTS AND 2 NON- SPEAKING PARTS
PLEASE NOTE THAT THERE ARE NO SONGS IN THIS PLAY (but feel free to add them if you wish)
Our scripts provide full production notes regarding sets, costumes and props.
NO ROYALTIES, PHOTOCOPYING LICENCE INCLUDED.
Here’s a sample
PART OF SCENE 1…
The stage is set with two tables. One is upstage right. One is upstage left. These should be slightly angled towards each other. Each table should have four chairs behind it, facing the audience. There are bells on each table. (Hand bells or buzzers) Signs are placed either behind or in front of the tables to label the teams – “Has Beens” and “Wannabees”. For the “Head to Head”, the “Has Beens” table should be placed (with chairs) at Centre Stage.
(Enter TICK and TOCK)
TICK and TOCK (together, waving)
Hello everybody!
TICK
I’m TICK
TOCK
And I’m TOCK.
TICK
And we’re here to welcome you to…
TOCK
I’m in a Fairy Tale…
TICK and TOCK (Together shouting)
Get me out of here!
TICK
This is the show where disgruntled characters from your favourite fairy tales…
TOCK
And some you hated…
TICK
Get the chance for a new start…
TOCK
To relaunch their career…
TICK
Or in some cases to have a career at all.
TOCK
They’ll be split into two teams… The “Has Beens”
TICK
Those are the ones who were once at the top of the fairy tale business but are now almost forgotten…
TOCK
And the “Wannabees”…who never quite made it in the first place.
TICK
We’ll put them through their paces…
TOCK
And you decide the winner.
TICK
So, without further ado…
TOCK
Let’s meet our first contestant… and captain of the “Has Beens”…
TICK
Jack from “Jack and the Beanstalk”!
(Enter JACK, carrying beanstalk branches (SEE PRODUCTION NOTES) and nervously looking round.)
TOCK
Well, hello Jack my old mate… and what are you doing here?
JACK
Well… You remember how I pinched the Giant’s gold and ran away with it?
TICK
Yes, of course.
JACK
Well, I’ve not had a minute’s peace since…
GIANT(offstage – loudly)
Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum… I’m going to eat him, every crumb…
TOCK
Who on earth’s that?
JACK
It’s him… he’s followed me even here.
(Enter GIANT)
GIANT
Fo, Fum, oh heck… I’m gonna ring his scrawny neck…
(JACK tries to hide behind TICK.)
TICK
Can we help you sir?
GIANT
Yes. You can help me by holding him still while I give him a good kicking…
TOCK(shouting)
Security! Security!
(SECURITY GUARDS rush on and bundle the GIANT off stage.)
GIANT(offstage, shouting)
Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum, when you least expect, that is when I’ll come!
PART OF SCENE 4…
And now let’s meet the rest of the Wannabees team…
(Each contestant enters in turn, on hearing their name)
TICK
Let’s welcome… The Pied Piper of Hamelin… Rapunzel… and The Ugly Duckling!.
TOCK
Piper…tell us why you’re here.
PIPER
Well, I find I can’t get work anymore because they say I’m a danger to children.
TICK
Well they have a point…
PIPER
All I did was play my pipe… It’s not my fault that the children followed me.
TOCK
But didn’t you do it deliberately to get your own back when you didn’t get paid for getting rid of the rats?
PIPER
You can’t believe all you read, you know, especially in fairy tales…
TICK
What about you, Rapunzel?
RAPUNZEL
I just got fed up sitting around waiting for my hair to grow.
TOCK
But weren’t you rescued by a handsome Prince?
RAPUNZEL
Not at all… Anyway I don’t like the thought of someone climbing up my hair…
TICK
I see.
RAPUNZEL
Also, I’m a modern woman… I want to make my own way in the world, not be dependent on men “rescuing” me. I beat the witch myself. It’ll be a long time before she thinks about capturing any helpless maidens again, I can tell you.
TOCK
Ugly Duckling… Surely your story had a happy ending? Didn’t you turn into a swan?
DUCKLING
That’s what they would like you to believe.
TICK
You mean it didn’t happen?
DUCKLING
Not at all… I’ve spent all these years looking for my real mother but without success…
(UGLY DUCKLING begins crying uncontrollably)
TOCK
Please don’t cry… How can we help?
DUCKLING
Well, I thought that if I win, I’ll have enough money to pay a private detective to trace my mum… I just want to know why… Why did she desert me? Why did she dump me with a lot of mangy old swans who don’t understand my needs? You’ve no idea how I was teased… about my shape, my face, my feathers, my weight… I’ve had a terrible life.
TICK
Please be seated, one and all.
(PIED PIPER, RAPUNZEL and UGLY DUCKLING take their seats)
TOCK
Ok, now it’s time for the first of your challenges.
TICK
Let’s explain how this is going to work.
TOCK
First of all we’ve got some team challenges.
TICK
The first team to win two challenges goes through to the next round.
TOCK
And the losing team is…
TICK and TOCK (Together shouting)
El – im – in – ated!
TICK
If you win one each, we’ll have a…
TOCK and TICK (Together shouting)
De – cid – er!
TOCK
Are you ready?
JACK
I suppose so.
TICK
Humpty?
HUMPTY
Bring it on.