Running time approx. 60mins.
This is a very, very funny take on the tale of the Three Billy Goats Gruff…except there are only two…Billy Goats…and everyone keeps mistaking them for sheep!
Sorry, we’re getting ahead of ourselves! A bad tempered troll guards a bridge and absolutely no-one is allowed to cross it. Not the Billy Goats – not Cinderella – not Jack and his beanstalk – no-one. Mind you, the troll, very early on in the play, decides that all the characters are quite crazy. Probably because they all keep mistaking each other for someone else. Like the Three Bears, who think that Cinderella is Goldilocks (cue chase sequence)…and Cinderella who thinks Aladdin is Prince Charming…and so it goes on. There’s a Dame (Aladdin’s mother) and a rampaging Little Bo Peep. It’s quite manic! So the neighbourhood enforcers (Girls in the Hood – friends of Red Riding) have to firmly sort things out. You’ll laugh until you cry.
18 speaking parts. A chorus to sing and dance could be added.
Suggested songs:
- THE TROLL RAP (original lyrics by the author)
- BEARS IN THE WOODS (Sung to the tune of Teddy Bear’s Picnic)
- THE GIRLS IN THE HOOD RAP (original lyrics by the author)
- GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN (Cyndi Lauper)
- GETTING TO KNOW YOU(from The King and I)
- HELP (The Beatles)
- BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER (Simon & Garfunkel)
Our scripts provide links to backing tracks for the songs, which can be purchased and downloaded for a very modest fee. Our scripts also give full production notes regarding sets, costumes and props.
NO ROYALTIES, PHOTOCOPYING LICENCE INCLUDED.
Here’s a sample
Part of SCENE 1…
BILLY GOAT ONE appears. TREVOR sits up and sees the goat. GOAT ONE falls to his knees and starts to beg.)
GOAT ONE
Oh no Mr Troll! Please don’t eat me!
TREVOR
Eat you?
GOAT ONE
Yes, you know…I come trip trapping up…
TREVOR
Trip trapping?
GOAT ONE
Yes…and you say…“I’m going to eat you….”
TREVOR
I do?
GOAT ONE
Yes and I say “Oh no…please don’t eat me…my brother’s much bigger…” And you say…
TREVOR
Why?
GOAT ONE
No…not “Why?”…you say “OK. Then…I’ll wait for him” and I go, you know, trip trapping off.
TREVOR
Trip trapping off? What does that even mean?
Part of SCENE 2…
GOAT ONE
Miss! Miss! Help us…please!
(GOLDILOCKS turns, sees the goats and becomes alarmed. She falls to her knees, hands clasped in prayer.)
GOLDILOCKS
Please, please, don’t eat me! I’m sorry! I didn’t know what I was doing! I’ll pay for the chair…or my dad will anyway…
GOAT ONE
What? What are you on about?
GOLDILOCKS
I’m so sorry! I’ll make some more porridge…and wash the sheets…and…
GOAT TWO
Eh?
GOLDILOCKS
(She drops her hands.) I can see you’re kind bears really…Yes. You’ve got kind faces and nice eyes.
GOAT ONE
Bears? Really?
GOLDILOCKS
Aren’t you?
GOAT TWO
No!
GOLDILOCKS
And you’re not…like…going to eat me up?
GOAT ONE
Of course not.
GOAT ONE
Honestly! Do we look like bears?
GOLDILOCKS
No…I can see that now. (pause) You’re just sheep.
GOAT TWO
What? Again with the sheep!
GOAT TWO
Surely you can see that we’re goats?
GOLDILOCKS
Yeah – goats. I can see that now with the horns and beards and that. Silly me.
Part of SCENE 4…
(TREVOR is sleeping under the bridge, snoring very loudly. He occasionally turns and mutters inaudibly to himself. CINDERELLA enters in her “domestic” clothes. She is carrying one glass slipper. She approaches the bridge.)
CINDERELLA (coughs)
Ahem…Ahem…excuse me!
TREVOR (sitting up suddenly)
What? Who? Eh? Where am I?
CINDERELLA
Hi…Hello…sorry to disturb you and that…
TREVOR
I was sleeping. Who are you anyway?
CINDERELLA
Oh…yes…sorry…right…I’m Cinderella. But you can call me Cinders.
TREVOR
Cinders? Anyway, Cinderella (pause) who are you?
CINDERELLA
But…but…Don’t you know me? I’m the famous Cinderella! You know…“You shall go to the Ball”…and all that.
TREVOR
This isn’t going to be about football is it?
CINDERELLA
No…no…I mean The Ball…you know…the dance? Fairy Godmother…handsome Prince…yes?
TREVOR
I think I’m still dreaming…goodnight. (He lies back down.)
CINDERELLA
But please…I’m sorry…It’s only a little thing…
TREVOR
(sitting up) What’s little?
CINDERELLA
My slipper – my glass slipper. I’ve lost it you see.
TREVOR
Careless. Does this look like a lost property office to you?
CINDERELLA
No…no…I didn’t mean that. It’s just that I lost it, I think, over there. (She points to the other side of the bridge.) I think it fell off when I was running away from the Ball.
TREVOR
No wonder your team lost…playing in glass slippers… running away from the ball.